Archive for the ‘Jokes’ Category

I don’t know about you but I’d like to take a vuvuzela and smack someone upside the head with it. They are so annoying that BBC is considering a buzz-free broadcast of future games. We get it — you like blowing things. Now stop.

Or perhaps we can chip in and get all these chicks and their friends scattered throughout the stadium to distract these horny guys. See what I did there? Heh heh But how to get them to stop? How about more hottie soccer fans like this one?


Five seconds later- …why are we standing here. GET OF MY LAWN!!

A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE !

There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch . .. you may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband on the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 – These men have jobs and love God.

The second floor sign reads:

Floor 2 – These men have jobs, love God, and love kids.

The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 – These men have jobs, love God, love kids, and are extremely good looking.

“Wow,” she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:

Floor 4 – These men have jobs, love God, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework.

“Oh, mercy me!” she exclaims, “I can hardly stand it!”

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:

Floor 5 – These men have jobs, love God, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak. She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 6 – You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.

Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!

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“I don’t understand, I just saved you $10.50 and 2 hours of your life.”

I rate that pun an STD-minus!

I thought I was dumb because I had no clue what he said.

Turns out it was about Twilight.

This is hilarious! The beginning is a little slow, but it kicks in from 20 seconds!  This will make your day, when you watch make sure your speakers are on!