Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

Good job, achieved in only 11 short years.

Legal expert says Perez could face federal charges…could be career “suicide”.

We know: when it comes to celebrity gossip, there have to be limits. Perez Hilton could face super-serious charges for ignoring one of those limits by tweeting a photo of Miley Cyrus climbing out of a car without
underwear this week. You won’t believe how insane this is.

Earlier this week Perez Hilton reportedly tweeted a photo of 17-year-old Miley Cyrus climbing out of a vehicle and wearing a dress but no underwear. Perez warned: “If you are easily offended, do NOT click here … Oh, Miley! Warning: truly not for the easily offended!”

But the warning was not enough. The fact that Perez published the photo could bring a super-damper on his career. Perez Hilton has said that he gets over 8 million pageviews in a normal day, and there are many media companies who have sought to buy him out — but this latest Miley move could very realistically be the end of Perez Hilton’s celebrity blogging days.

Says L.A.-based attorney Jeffrey Douglas, a child pornography case specialist: “We’re not talking about a misdemeanor. You don’t have to know what the definition of the law is, all you have to do is knowingly distribute the photograph.” Douglas also called Perez’s move “suicidal” to his career.

Salon also reported that Perez Hilton “could be prosecuted on the state or federal level — or both — with a conviction potentially resulting in a 15 year sentence and lifetime registration as a sex offender.”

PopEater has more, including the fact that neither Miley Cyrus nor Perez Hilton has commented on the shot (Perez has taken down his incriminating tweet, but apparently other sites picked up the photo of Miley). Monday a clearly red-faced Perez tweeted a link to a video in which he insisted that he and Miley are “cool” and that he just likes to “lovingly taunt” her.

I don’t know about you but I’d like to take a vuvuzela and smack someone upside the head with it. They are so annoying that BBC is considering a buzz-free broadcast of future games. We get it — you like blowing things. Now stop.

Or perhaps we can chip in and get all these chicks and their friends scattered throughout the stadium to distract these horny guys. See what I did there? Heh heh But how to get them to stop? How about more hottie soccer fans like this one?

This, my friends (no hard feelings) is too big for you.

A survey of more than 1,000 men in India has concluded that condoms made according to international sizes are too large for a majority of Indian men.

The study found that more than half of the men measured had penises that were shorter than international standards for condoms.

It has led to a call for condoms of mixed sizes to be made more widely available in India.

The two-year study was carried out by the Indian Council of Medical Research.

Over 1,200 volunteers from the length and breadth of the country had their penises measured precisely, down to the last millimetre.

The scientists even checked their sample was representative of India as a whole in terms of class, religion and urban and rural dwellers.

” It’s not size, it’s what you do with it that matters” – Sunil Mehra

The conclusion of all this scientific endeavour is that about 60% of Indian men have penises which are between three and five centimetres shorter than international standards used in condom manufacture.

Doctor Chander Puri, a specialist in reproductive health at the Indian Council of Medical Research, told the BBC there was an obvious need in India for custom-made condoms, as most of those currently on sale are too large.

The issue is serious because about one in every five times a condom is used in India it either falls off or tears, an extremely high failure rate.

And the country already has the highest number of HIV infections of any nation.

‘Not a problem’

Mr Puri said that since Indians would be embarrassed about going to a chemist to ask for smaller condoms there should be vending machines dispensing different sizes all around the country.

“Smaller condoms are on sale in India. But there is a lack of awareness that different sizes are available. There is anxiety talking about the issue. And normally one feels shy to go to a chemist’s shop and ask for a smaller size condom.”

But Indian men need not be concerned about measuring up internationally according to Sunil Mehra, the former editor of the Indian version of the men’s magazine Maxim.

“It’s not size, it’s what you do with it that matters,” he said.

“From our population, the evidence is Indians are doing pretty well.

“With apologies to the poet Alexander Pope, you could say, for inches and centimetres, let fools contend.”

It’s the holidays, we’re coming off a brutal recession, and the last thing any of us needs is a speeding ticket. And yet someone reading this — I hope not the person writing this — is going to get a speeding ticket in the next week or so. According to the National Motorists Association, between 25 million and 50 million speeding tickets are issued every year. So with that in mind, and since plenty of people get pulled over on their way to and from work, we’re offering some suggestions for talking your way out of a ticket.

Will any of this work? Your guess is as good as ours. And, of course, you can drive 90 miles an hour on the freeway and try to find out, but we don’t recommend it. At any rate, here are our suggestions, cultivated from some experts and regular folks who have managed to talk their way out of a ticket. Consider it our gift to anyone caught speeding over the holidays or in the midst of a new year.

Don’t lie. Sure, it’s understandable that you’re going to want to punt and tell the officer that your wife is in labor at the hospital waiting for you, or you’re being chased by a gang of jewel thieves determined to rub you out. But aside from the fact that lying is wrong, and honesty is the best policy and all of that, police officers are kind of trained to spot, well, you know, crooks. If you lie, they’re either going to recognize that or simply find out (“Oh, wow, sorry to hear about your wife — let me make sure you get to the hospital on time”). Instead, do what may not come naturally at a time like this and tell the truth.

That’s the approach Devra Renner, a parenting blogger, gave back when she was in college, driving from Tucson to Lubbock and was pulled over in Salt Flat, Texas. The state trooper asked Renner what she was doing “speeding through the great state of Texas.” Renner admitted that she was in the middle of nowhere, had been driving for hours, got bored and wanted to see how fast her car could go.

Maybe the officer admired that honesty, because he looked at her and said, “Darlin’, you know you’re in a Volkswagen Rabbit, not on the Nascar circuit, right?”

She agreed, apologized and told him she would “hop more slowly” from now on. The state trooper asked her to watch her speed and gave her a warning.

Drive around with something really weird in your car. We’re not really recommending this as a strategy, but it’s such an unusual story, we figured we’d offer it up. Autumn O’Bryan, from Salem, New Hampshire, has a pretty unique business. She stages sex toy home parties for women, and a few years ago, as she was leaving one such party, the hostess came running out of the house, flagging O’Bryan down. O’Bryan had left behind one of those toys.

She thanked the hostess, threw it on her passenger seat and drove away, in somewhat of a hurry to meet some girlfriends. “I was speeding and got caught in a speed trap,” says O’Bryan, who vividly recalls the officer walking up to her car with a flashlight and asking for her license and registration. “He asked where I was coming from, and why I was in such a hurry.”

O’Bryan explained that she had just finished working, and that she was on the way out to meet the girls. That’s when he flashed his light on the sex toy, and the officer then stared at O’Bryan for a long moment. Finally, he said, “Be careful and have a good night,” and walked away, shaking his head. He never even took the license or registration.

Know when to keep your mouth shut. One police officer in Virginia emailed in (he didn’t want his name used) and made the observation that “if you get the ticket, you don’t get the lecture. If you start getting the lecture, it usually means no ticket.” That would suggest that if you’re getting a lecture, it would be smart to not be defensive. Try nodding, saying, “you’re right,” and in general, being polite. Being polite to an officer of the law is a good idea in any situation, but seriously, this is not the moment to get argumentative.

COMING SOON: How to minimize the damage if you are going to get a ticket, in “How to Talk Your Way Out of a Speeding Ticket, Part II”

If you liked this post, you might also like:

New Study Reveals Most Children Unrepentant Sociopaths!