Archive for the ‘Comedy’ Category

I don’t know about you but I’d like to take a vuvuzela and smack someone upside the head with it. They are so annoying that BBC is considering a buzz-free broadcast of future games. We get it — you like blowing things. Now stop.

Or perhaps we can chip in and get all these chicks and their friends scattered throughout the stadium to distract these horny guys. See what I did there? Heh heh But how to get them to stop? How about more hottie soccer fans like this one?

This, my friends (no hard feelings) is too big for you.

A survey of more than 1,000 men in India has concluded that condoms made according to international sizes are too large for a majority of Indian men.

The study found that more than half of the men measured had penises that were shorter than international standards for condoms.

It has led to a call for condoms of mixed sizes to be made more widely available in India.

The two-year study was carried out by the Indian Council of Medical Research.

Over 1,200 volunteers from the length and breadth of the country had their penises measured precisely, down to the last millimetre.

The scientists even checked their sample was representative of India as a whole in terms of class, religion and urban and rural dwellers.

” It’s not size, it’s what you do with it that matters” – Sunil Mehra

The conclusion of all this scientific endeavour is that about 60% of Indian men have penises which are between three and five centimetres shorter than international standards used in condom manufacture.

Doctor Chander Puri, a specialist in reproductive health at the Indian Council of Medical Research, told the BBC there was an obvious need in India for custom-made condoms, as most of those currently on sale are too large.

The issue is serious because about one in every five times a condom is used in India it either falls off or tears, an extremely high failure rate.

And the country already has the highest number of HIV infections of any nation.

‘Not a problem’

Mr Puri said that since Indians would be embarrassed about going to a chemist to ask for smaller condoms there should be vending machines dispensing different sizes all around the country.

“Smaller condoms are on sale in India. But there is a lack of awareness that different sizes are available. There is anxiety talking about the issue. And normally one feels shy to go to a chemist’s shop and ask for a smaller size condom.”

But Indian men need not be concerned about measuring up internationally according to Sunil Mehra, the former editor of the Indian version of the men’s magazine Maxim.

“It’s not size, it’s what you do with it that matters,” he said.

“From our population, the evidence is Indians are doing pretty well.

“With apologies to the poet Alexander Pope, you could say, for inches and centimetres, let fools contend.”


Five seconds later- …why are we standing here. GET OF MY LAWN!!

When you watch this schmaltzy ad, you slowly come to the realization that the theme is, “If your epidermis isn’t white enough, the man of your dreams will never love you.”

Oh, we’re not reading too much into it–Pond’s White Beauty is an Indian line of skin whitener.

I'm sorry, you're just too brown.

Hey, is that my ex?

Is she still brown?

So, although the ex-boyfriend in the ad eye-fucks the living shit out of his lost love, he just can’t get over her icky brownness, even if she’s portrayed by former Miss World Priyanka Chopra.

Upon removing my sunglasses, I see that she is still too brown. Gross.

Over the ad’s next four installments (yes, it’s a five-part skin whitener epic) the girl wins her man back thanks to her brand new pallor. Well, that and his new girlfriend was a total bitch, but it’s mostly the melanin thing. We’d like to think the antagonist tries to win him back by whitening her skin even more, and the two women end up bleaching back and forth until they both look like yetis.

The ideal beauty.

I rate that pun an STD-minus!

I thought I was dumb because I had no clue what he said.

Turns out it was about Twilight.

This is hilarious! The beginning is a little slow, but it kicks in from 20 seconds!  This will make your day, when you watch make sure your speakers are on!